she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
