Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
