I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize