I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
