There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
