Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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