One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
