last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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