I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I deserve this hangover.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
