Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
