I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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