need another drink. this is the easiest way
what day is it and did you see me today?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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