xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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