And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
