new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
