there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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