she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize