party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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