who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
