I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
