she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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