I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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