i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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