So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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