Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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