Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
