Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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