Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
