he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
