I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
