My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
