That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize