this beer tastes like vomit already
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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