don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
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Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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