to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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