Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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