I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
