dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So squirting runs in the family.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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