i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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