When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think i have two assholes
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
