Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
