About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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