I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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