All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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