So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
