We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
