the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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