i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
