I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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