i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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