Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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