Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
