She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
