New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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