I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
