did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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