Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Never underestimate the power of titties
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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