I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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