I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
